so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
