so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
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Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
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How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility