Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?