my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.