she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
