Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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