so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
