Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
