Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
