toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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