Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
