I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
