And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
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Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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