Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
