if i can run in heels then i can drive
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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