Are we in a gay sports bar?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
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Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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