went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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