just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
