She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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