You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
