On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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