Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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