you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
