Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
