You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
