What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
