So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
