I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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