I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
