No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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