I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
