how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
