took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
