I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
