Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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