Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Who died my cat blue again?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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