I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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