I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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