I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
