I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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