yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I met the friendliest cop last night
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
