id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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