bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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