end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
