somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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