quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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