Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
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I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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