My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
