Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
