so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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