the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
