Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
