I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
did i just pee glitter
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
