I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize