I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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