What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
FUCK WHALES
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