im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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